Call it wishful thinking or an overly inflated sense of optimism. We are really hoping that Bollywood makes these New Year resolutions in 2016. Here is a list of our favourite celebs and what they should really be focussing on in the New Year.
Arjun Rampal: Be less wooden
He might be a Greek god with abs that tower over mere mortals like us who start panting over the effort of raising a beer mug to our lips. However, that does not take away from the fact that he has had the same wooden expression on his face since 1972 (Thanks, wiki). Rumours say that at birth, the nurses in the delivery room swooned as they saw baby Greek god give that famous look that was later adopted by Ben Stiller and renamed ‘Blue steel’ in Zoolander. We know that you shouldn’t fix what’s not broken, but seriously it’s about time we filed a ‘Lokpal’ on how he scored so many movies with just one expression.
Tiger Shroff: Grow a beard
It’s not as if a derisive remark by an armchair critic. People paid through their nose to see the work of art that was ‘Heropanti’ and unwittingly got a few laughs out of it. It also struck them that Tiger has put in a lot of effort to look badass in the movie including his epic one liners like ‘Sabko aati nahi meri jaati nahi’ with a constipated expression that really makes you feel for the guy. My word of advice to ‘Tiger’, take a hint from daddy and grow a beard, scruff anything that makes you more tigerly and less housecat. No amount of roundhouse kicks, martial arts training, and riding army bullets, is going to help with that baby face. So take a word of advice from a bearded brother and let it grow, bro.
Anil Kapoor: Stay the way you are
We want the real Anil Kapoor back. The guy who was trigger happy with the word ‘Jhakkas’ and truly the epitome of ‘thug life’. Way before we saw this current crop of six pack superboys, we had Mr. India and over time we feel that side of him has disappeared. This is the kind of rugged, unpolished awesomeness we are talking about.
Neil Nitin Mukesh: Don’t ruin Game of Thrones
This is not much of a resolution, we expect you to make. It’s more of a humble request. We did love him in Johnny Gaddar, but GOT is something that he should stay miles away from. It would be fun to see how many seconds of screen time he gets before being killed off by R.R ‘Serial killer’ Martin. But let’s just leave that to the imagination and edit out this chapter like it never happened.
Salman Khan: Get off twitter
Bhai has been attempting to talk to aliens in advanced hieroglyphic, indecipherable to the rest of the human race. We know that Bhai, in his infinite wisdom, is trying to save us from impending doom with tweets like ‘Tweetar ke do aagey tweetar tweeter ke do peechey tweetar aagey tweetar peechey tweetar arrey bolo kitney tweetar??!!’ ‘Thought for the day . Hmmmmmmmm ahhhhhhhhhhh , jaane do aaj kuch mat soocho . and my personal favourite ‘ Lai bhaari bagaaaa atta , tabartoph manjeh now man , fly la gf bf la ghaoon za , ekta baagh naangta baag pan baagh . Kai ? Lai bhaari’. Get off twitter Bhai, or whatever it is you are smoking.
Kapil Sharma: Just stop it
Dressing up people as women cannot pass off as the entire content of a show. ‘Comedy nights’ was good for a few laughs, but the tropes got really repetitive and boring. It’s about time he tried a little bit harder to come with something more original rather than going back to the same old routine.
Uday Chopra: Pull an Adi Chopra and disappear
Uday Chopra broke into Bollywood with Mohabbatein, that masterpiece of Cinema that gave an entire generation of superstars at their peak a reality check. It was almost like the Titanic, the way in which such a star-studded cast that boasted of Aishwarya Rai, Amitabh Bachan and Shahrukh Khan sank to the floor with Uday the blue-eyed wonder of the Chopra family at the helm. Uday has since then been attempting to salvage himself with appearances as the ‘lovable-as-a-hernia’ ‘Ali’ who zoomed into our life with a yellow CBR. We sincerely hope he takes a cue from his brother Adi and disappears.
Shahrukh Khan: Act your age
It’s about time Shahrukh started acting his age. We all love you and think you are a bomb, but romancing with women half your age and beating up 30 people at once is getting difficult to believe without SFX. So. it’s about time we moved on and started seeing you in more character roles.
Adi Chopra: Just get out and party this new year
Adi Chopra aka Casper the friendly ghost is a name that is often heard in Bollywood circles, but rarely ever seen in public. The reclusive producer/director has been out of the public eye for long. It’s about time the head honcho of Yash Raj starts getting out and throwing his weight around. We will be rooting for him to finally come out of hiding this New Year.
P.S. If you aren’t Adi Chopra and want to party this New Year then check out MeraEvents for the best parties happening in your city.